But that's not how my life turned out. When I actually turned 40, I was reeling from the humiliation of two short marriages followed by divorce, no kids, and two ill-fated endings. I had a therapist, a dating coach, a yoga membership, and a routine cry on my best friend's couch, obsessing over what went wrong … again. When I went out with someone on a fabulous first date, I'd make myself wait a week for the next one. AdvertisementAs I realized the energy I put into dating was actually in service of understanding myself, I felt empowered to finally pick the right person.

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